The loss of a loved one is always a significant blow. During such times, the family needs peace, respite, a moment to grieve the loss, but also comfort. Confirmation that they are not alone in their pain and sorrow. This is the purpose of condolences. And although the gesture itself matters, every kind word, it is worth knowing how to express condolences properly to convey what is in our hearts. Below, we present guidelines that may make this somewhat easier. How should condolences sound? Basic information
To begin with, it is important to emphasize one crucial point. While offering condolences always serves the same purpose - expressing deep sympathy after the loss of a loved one and supporting the deceased's family, the content may vary slightly depending on who you are addressing. Condolences can be offered to members of your own family, friends, colleagues, and even complete strangers. Each time, words of sympathy may sound a bit different.
However, before presenting sample condolences appropriate for specific situations, it is essential to focus on general principles that should always be remembered.
Condolences should be brief and tactful. The grieving family often lacks the strength or desire to listen to long monologues, so sometimes one sentence, a few words, are enough to convey sincere sympathy. This also reduces the risk of saying something tactless. Allow the deceased's family to speak. Brief condolences do not mean that saying a few words and then moving on suffices. Perhaps this is what the close ones of the deceased expect, but if not, show patience and listen to what they have to say. Expressing grief aloud often helps, so it is worthwhile to enable them to do so. When offering condolences, it is best to focus on expressing sympathy for the loss and providing comfort. Avoid presenting your own thoughts and emphasizing the pain associated with the loss. This will only deepen their sadness. "Good advice" and condolences (e.g., wishing for a return to full strength) can also be problematic. Grief after the loss of a loved one is natural, so there is no need to try to "heal" it forcibly. This is especially true right after the funeral, when condolences are most often offered.
How to offer condolences? Examples
After outlining the key principles and underscoring what not to do, it is important to explain how to offer condolences in specific scenarios. It is best to provide examples concerning selected individuals. Expressions of sympathy for your family
If it is immediate family, such as siblings or parents, condolences are unnecessary. What matters is being present and sharing in the grief. In the case of extended family, you do not need to force formal phrases since these are people you know well. You can express deepest sympathy in your own words - you can use phrases like "I am with you in your sudden loss" or "I am deeply sorry for your loss." Offering condolences to friends
When speaking with a friend, there is no need to use formal expressions. Sincere sympathy and assurances that you share in their grief and are there for them will suffice. However, in this situation, it is also important to talk to the deceased's remaining family, such as parents, spouse, or children, especially if you are familiar with them.
In such cases, condolences should take on a more formal tone. To properly offer condolences, it is advisable to use phrases such as:
"Please accept my sincerest condolences," "We were saddened to hear...", "We extend our heartfelt sympathy to you."
Official condolences for a loss
When you want to offer sincere condolences to individuals you do not know, a formal language approach is safest, which does not mean it should be devoid of feelings. While offering condolences, maintain eye contact, refrain from looking away or trying too hard to find original words. It is best to limit yourself to a short message. Helpful phrases could include:
"Please accept my condolences," "I offer my sympathy for the loss...", "We received the news with great sorrow..."
Who should offer condolences?
In the case of condolences, not only the content itself may be challenging, but also the situation in which they need to be conveyed. You may wonder if you are the right person to express sorrow and sympathy due to a family member's passing.
However, there is no need to worry. If the deceased was among your circle of friends, you have the right to offer condolences to their loved ones. It is even your duty when it comes to a closer relationship. Only in the case of immediate family members, such as siblings and parents, condolences may seem unnecessary. How to start condolences?
Returning to the content of condolences, the beginning poses the most challenges. It is important not to hesitate and speak calmly but decisively. If you are concerned about starting off poorly, simply memorize the first expression. Condolences for the family can begin with words such as:
"Please accept my sincere condolences," "Heartfelt condolences for the loss of your mother, father, son, daughter, wife, husband, etc.", "I offer my deepest sympathy," "We received the news with deep sorrow...", "We sincerely sympathize with your loss...", "I am unable to express the depth of my sorrow..."
Offering your assistance (e.g., in organizing the funeral), assuring them of remembrance, and being open to further conversation or listening to their grief after the loss can follow condolences. When should condolences be offered?
Lastly, it is worth considering the best time to offer condolences. This is usually done right after the funeral ceremony when the immediate family gathers at the gravesite. If for some reason, this is not possible, condolences can be offered at the wake or at a subsequent meeting. Importantly, the family may also prefer not to receive condolences. In such a situation, appropriate information is usually included in the obituary text.
Of course, it is best to offer condolences in person, but it is not always feasible. What should you do then? There is nothing wrong with offering condolences over the phone, a day or two after the funeral. You can also do so in writing. This form allows you to carefully consider the content and the way of conveying the most important information.
How to write condolences? It does not have to be a long letter at all. Use the presented examples of phrases and do not strive for originality. Are condolences through text messages or emails acceptable? It is better to avoid these forms of communication with the deceased's loved ones. Direct conversation, a phone call, or a letter will be much more tactful.